Woodsman

This isn't exactly on the lines of what I originally intended to write about but, like a lot of people, it's been on my mind. I have some thoughts on Tiger.
First of all, when they inevitably make a Tiger Woods porn film (which I imagine has already been done) it's going to be incredibly difficult to come up with a better porn-pun name for it than Tiger Woods.
Some thoughts:
1. This may actually be good for Tiger in a career way
2. Female on male domestic violence matters, but for different reasons
3. Looking forward, some suggestions for Elin Nordegren

If there is a person in the world who is less informed than me about Tiger Woods that person is currently a member of one the amazon's undiscovered tribes. That person is also probably deaf and blind. I know the following about golf-it's played with clubs, it was invented in Scotland and you try to have the lowest score possible. I would imagine that Tiger is really good at that last thing. I have actually played golf about 4 times and it was ok. It was ok because I don't mind walking and I enjoy drinking. I'd still rather go hiking or hang out at a bar though. Anyway, I now know that Tiger has two kids, he's a billionaire, he's cablinasian and he loves the pussy. I don't hold Tiger's harem of women against him. I'm not impressed exactly by the whole frat boy love tear that he's been on and I feel like an only slightly smarter billionaire could have kept this on the down low but I don't hold it against him. I AM engaged though, Tiger is now an interesting guy. If he was selling Nikes I'd say hey there's that guy that loves getting laid to a fault just like me. Must be some crazy shit happening in the Woods residence these days-I think I'll buy some Air Jordans. I'm not sure if that will counter-balance the hordes of Christian fudamentalists and incensed monogamists who will never buy a product he's associated with but, by necessity, celebrity is about reinvention. I'm sorry that Tiger's wife is embarassed and that his kids will probably hate him forever etc but they have their millions to keep them warm and I have problems of my own. I can usually take or leave celebrity gossip (leave) but this is theatre.

Secondly, there's a debate going on about whether female on male domestic violence matters. I think men's rights groups and social science researchers have a lot to say about it. I haven't looked any of it up though and I'm not going to. What matters about female on male domestic violence is not that men are going to get hurt. Walk that shit off dude. Aside from Bobbit sneak attacks (decades later I still can't believe they can reattach a penis-science rules!) probably the guy ends up with a couple of bruises and no need to shed any tears. Generally speaking, men can fend off women. Why it matters is that as soon as someone hits you you want to hit back. "Knock that off bitch" and the arm swings out before even a second thought. Fuck, now we have problems. I don't EVER get to hit women and that's cool. No matter what she says, who she fucks, what she does, no hitting. But the correlative is no trying to tempt me into hitting her by hitting me. Men should not have to exercise more self-control than women and that shit can hurt even if I am just going to walk it off. You get to say terrible things to one another. The terrible can escalate to momentous levels but no one gets hit. I have said horrendous things in arguments. The sorts of things that if I had a son I would tell him never to say to a women. I have had horrendous things said to me. That's it though, that's as bad as it's allowed to get. Women get to hit men in one situation. If you're in a bar and he gropes you, you can hit him or you can get someone bigger than you to hit him. Or you can tell the police about sexual assault. Probably you shouldn't get to do both but I'll leave that up to someone else's discretion. If he just says something terrible you get to say something terrible back. That's the rule.

Finally, this whole serial cheating thing seems to happen a lot more with men than it does with women. Not that women don't cheat, they definitely do but you hardly ever hear about a dozen men coming out in public to talk about having had sex with a married famous woman. What I would suggest for Elin Nordegren, if she doesn't feel like sticking out the Tiger is dating some incredibly successful "normal dude." For Tiger a Swedish model is just called Tuesday. Intellectually he realizes she's something special but it doesn't really seem that way. So I have a suggestion: date incredibly successful not-famous people. You can still bring a neuro-surgeon to famous people parties and it'll look fine. The other famous women won't be trying to steal him away and as many chances as he gets to sleep with other beautiful not-famous women he'll still think to himself-well that Swedish model is at home. It's not fool proof, men love the meat curtains, but the odds are a whole lot better. Also, when he does sleep with a transexual hooker the publicity is going to be WAY less intense which will make it a lot easier to shrug off. I know it's hard to let go of Tiger but you can have a neuro-surgeon under your thumb.

Just thinking.