It was pointed out to me that I'd left a couple of jobs off my list in my last post. A couple of her suggestions were more or less reframing of a couple of jobs already there. While serving salad, for example, I also made coffee so it's fair to say I've also been a barista. She also mentioned, though, that I've also been a guinea pig for hard drugs. This story tends to be a good drinking story (as in story to tell over some drinks) once I'm relatively comfortable with my company.
Anyway, a few years back there was a study at my undergrad university which was looking for volunteers who enjoyed cocaine in a casual way. My above mentioned girlfriend kept an eye on ads like this as they were often a good way to pick up a couple of dollars filling out surveys for psychology studies and generally serving the aims of science. I fit the casual cocaine user description and the study was duly brought to my attention. The study was brought to my attention but I'm fairly sure I wasn't expected to do it. This wouldn't be much of a story if I hadn't given it whirl though.
The study paid relatively well although on a per hour basis it wouldn't have been that much. I recruited a friend who didn't have too much going on at that time and we got in touch with the lab. The process required that we test negative for drugs in advance and undergo a few tests to make sure our bodies were up to the test. This was relatively easy as I wasn't smoking much pot at the time and my cocaine use really was casual. Next we were to spend four nights in a hospital gettin' high.
Before continuing on I should mention that the purpose of the study was to determine whether the effects of cocaine could be counteracted. The theory was that if the user stopped consuming the amino acids which were the building blocks for the neurotransmitters which caused the high the drug would be useless. I hope that worked out for them.
The first day of the study was uncontrolled. I was simply to go about my business and then show up in the evening at the hospital, do some blow and then. . . go to sleep? As it happened, the hospital in question was an ancient Victorian style stone monolith and the study was to occur on the psych ward. Simply put, I was about to get really fucked up and spend the night in one-flew-over-the-cuckoo's-nest. The room in which I was to spend the night consisted of two metal framed single beds with plastic mattresses and a computer. The only thing on the computer was Sim City 2000. There was a stereo and I'd been encouraged to bring my own music in order to make the experience as authentic as possible. As anyone with any familiarity with the drug knows it goes really with booze and that pretty much framed experience with it. Needless to say I wasn't allowed to bring ten beers and half a bottle of whiskey with me so authenticity was pretty much out the window. We gave it the ol' college try though.
Once settled into the room I was hooked up to an IV, I guess so that drugs could be pumped in to restart my heart in the event of an emergency. I was also hooked up to a heart monitor. A lab assistant was brought in to meet with me. He seated himself on a chair in front of me and I sat on one of the beds in front of a small table. During the pre-screening process I was asked if I'd ever done a half a gram of cocaine. I had, more in fact, but that cocaine was bought of the street and consumed over many hours. Place in front of me was, apparently, half a gram of cocaine cut with lactic acid which made it puffy and soft. I was to consume it all in 45 minutes I was told it was purchased from Scotland which somehow has a monopoly on the sale of clinical cocaine. Scotland in turn apparently gets it from South America. I have verified none of this. In addition to the blow were a mirror, a razor blade, and a straw. In the interest of authenticity I was to cut up the yayo myself although as it happened I wasn't going to be allowed a lot of creativity in dosage.
The first step was to fill out a series of survey asking how euphoric, how happy, how etc I was for doing any drugs. The surveys were lengthy and detailed. I then cut up three lines under close supervision and a doctor swung by to give me the go. I put the straw in my nose and went to town. The lactic acid made the cocaine soft, painless and voluminous. The blow itself was incredible. I was one third of the way in and I was incredibly high. I was then handed the same series of surveys that I'd already filled out to go over again. It was at this point that things started to go a little haywire.
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