It was pointed out to me that I'd left a couple of jobs off my list in my last post. A couple of her suggestions were more or less reframing of a couple of jobs already there. While serving salad, for example, I also made coffee so it's fair to say I've also been a barista. She also mentioned, though, that I've also been a guinea pig for hard drugs. This story tends to be a good drinking story (as in story to tell over some drinks) once I'm relatively comfortable with my company.
Anyway, a few years back there was a study at my undergrad university which was looking for volunteers who enjoyed cocaine in a casual way. My above mentioned girlfriend kept an eye on ads like this as they were often a good way to pick up a couple of dollars filling out surveys for psychology studies and generally serving the aims of science. I fit the casual cocaine user description and the study was duly brought to my attention. The study was brought to my attention but I'm fairly sure I wasn't expected to do it. This wouldn't be much of a story if I hadn't given it whirl though.
The study paid relatively well although on a per hour basis it wouldn't have been that much. I recruited a friend who didn't have too much going on at that time and we got in touch with the lab. The process required that we test negative for drugs in advance and undergo a few tests to make sure our bodies were up to the test. This was relatively easy as I wasn't smoking much pot at the time and my cocaine use really was casual. Next we were to spend four nights in a hospital gettin' high.
Before continuing on I should mention that the purpose of the study was to determine whether the effects of cocaine could be counteracted. The theory was that if the user stopped consuming the amino acids which were the building blocks for the neurotransmitters which caused the high the drug would be useless. I hope that worked out for them.
The first day of the study was uncontrolled. I was simply to go about my business and then show up in the evening at the hospital, do some blow and then. . . go to sleep? As it happened, the hospital in question was an ancient Victorian style stone monolith and the study was to occur on the psych ward. Simply put, I was about to get really fucked up and spend the night in one-flew-over-the-cuckoo's-nest. The room in which I was to spend the night consisted of two metal framed single beds with plastic mattresses and a computer. The only thing on the computer was Sim City 2000. There was a stereo and I'd been encouraged to bring my own music in order to make the experience as authentic as possible. As anyone with any familiarity with the drug knows it goes really with booze and that pretty much framed experience with it. Needless to say I wasn't allowed to bring ten beers and half a bottle of whiskey with me so authenticity was pretty much out the window. We gave it the ol' college try though.
Once settled into the room I was hooked up to an IV, I guess so that drugs could be pumped in to restart my heart in the event of an emergency. I was also hooked up to a heart monitor. A lab assistant was brought in to meet with me. He seated himself on a chair in front of me and I sat on one of the beds in front of a small table. During the pre-screening process I was asked if I'd ever done a half a gram of cocaine. I had, more in fact, but that cocaine was bought of the street and consumed over many hours. Place in front of me was, apparently, half a gram of cocaine cut with lactic acid which made it puffy and soft. I was to consume it all in 45 minutes I was told it was purchased from Scotland which somehow has a monopoly on the sale of clinical cocaine. Scotland in turn apparently gets it from South America. I have verified none of this. In addition to the blow were a mirror, a razor blade, and a straw. In the interest of authenticity I was to cut up the yayo myself although as it happened I wasn't going to be allowed a lot of creativity in dosage.
The first step was to fill out a series of survey asking how euphoric, how happy, how etc I was for doing any drugs. The surveys were lengthy and detailed. I then cut up three lines under close supervision and a doctor swung by to give me the go. I put the straw in my nose and went to town. The lactic acid made the cocaine soft, painless and voluminous. The blow itself was incredible. I was one third of the way in and I was incredibly high. I was then handed the same series of surveys that I'd already filled out to go over again. It was at this point that things started to go a little haywire.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Jobs
flyer delivery
marina hand
construction
dishwasher
cook
forklift driver
phone surveyor
yard hand
bag boy
salad server
language tutor
bureaucrat
secretary
law stuff
. . . so far
marina hand
construction
dishwasher
cook
forklift driver
phone surveyor
yard hand
bag boy
salad server
language tutor
bureaucrat
secretary
law stuff
. . . so far
Friday, January 15, 2010
Tear-Roar
I'm not exactly the bullseye as far as terrorism goes. An infidel without question but useful only in terms of numbers in the event of a bombing. The count at Al Qaeda headquarters would go something like - 2 marines, 3 Right wing Christians, an oil executive, and a vaguely sympathetic guy who's interested in the cultural appropriation of the veil as imperialist symbol of the "other" (or something). I still think religion in general is unneccessary medievalism but if the western world was divided into a dart board I'd be the outer edge, wide and easy to hit but not very satisfying.
(on a separate note, I had to restrain myself from getting indignant in my condemnation of religion. I'm always sort of amazed at how many people have made a career out of being self-righteously indignant. Comedians, media personalities, web commenters. . . how do you get to be so . . . sure?? Anyway, that's another post.)
For the above reasons my musing on the cultural impact of terrorism is probably a little irrelevant. Here's what I keep noticing though. There's been a culture shift in the general public's reaction to terrorism. On 911 for the most part the passengers sat still scared shitless of the brown dudes with box-cutters. Generally speaking, in a crowd the imperative was to hold tight and hope someone else dealt with the situation. Fair enough. For the most part it's pretty rare that someone has to actually fight about something. We have a military for that. BUT the military is USELESS against terrorists. It's busily fighting away to little or no effect and the result is that we need some modern heroes. Not to get all hyperbolic here (these colours don't run!!!) but now that people realize there is no organized mechanism for dealing with plane hijackers we're getting our tackle on with the testicle terrorists. Knights in shining armour dewds!
(on a separate note, I had to restrain myself from getting indignant in my condemnation of religion. I'm always sort of amazed at how many people have made a career out of being self-righteously indignant. Comedians, media personalities, web commenters. . . how do you get to be so . . . sure?? Anyway, that's another post.)
For the above reasons my musing on the cultural impact of terrorism is probably a little irrelevant. Here's what I keep noticing though. There's been a culture shift in the general public's reaction to terrorism. On 911 for the most part the passengers sat still scared shitless of the brown dudes with box-cutters. Generally speaking, in a crowd the imperative was to hold tight and hope someone else dealt with the situation. Fair enough. For the most part it's pretty rare that someone has to actually fight about something. We have a military for that. BUT the military is USELESS against terrorists. It's busily fighting away to little or no effect and the result is that we need some modern heroes. Not to get all hyperbolic here (these colours don't run!!!) but now that people realize there is no organized mechanism for dealing with plane hijackers we're getting our tackle on with the testicle terrorists. Knights in shining armour dewds!
Friday, December 11, 2009
Publicity
How do people deal with privacy on these things? On the one hand I want the world see what I have to say. There's no small amount of narcissism in putting things on the internets. On the other hand I'm a pretty intensely private person. I barely use "social media," I don't really like being the centre of attention and crowds make me uncomfortable. But what if I have a story to tell that gives away a lot of personal information? Do I change details to preserve the innocent? Do I need to get all allegorical about this?
Fuck, I can barely handle the scrutiny of no readers. The mere possibility of readers is nerve wracking. How the hell do people with sex tapes on the internet achieve any sort of equilibrium?
Fuck, I can barely handle the scrutiny of no readers. The mere possibility of readers is nerve wracking. How the hell do people with sex tapes on the internet achieve any sort of equilibrium?
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Woodsman
This isn't exactly on the lines of what I originally intended to write about but, like a lot of people, it's been on my mind. I have some thoughts on Tiger.
First of all, when they inevitably make a Tiger Woods porn film (which I imagine has already been done) it's going to be incredibly difficult to come up with a better porn-pun name for it than Tiger Woods.
Some thoughts:
1. This may actually be good for Tiger in a career way
2. Female on male domestic violence matters, but for different reasons
3. Looking forward, some suggestions for Elin Nordegren
If there is a person in the world who is less informed than me about Tiger Woods that person is currently a member of one the amazon's undiscovered tribes. That person is also probably deaf and blind. I know the following about golf-it's played with clubs, it was invented in Scotland and you try to have the lowest score possible. I would imagine that Tiger is really good at that last thing. I have actually played golf about 4 times and it was ok. It was ok because I don't mind walking and I enjoy drinking. I'd still rather go hiking or hang out at a bar though. Anyway, I now know that Tiger has two kids, he's a billionaire, he's cablinasian and he loves the pussy. I don't hold Tiger's harem of women against him. I'm not impressed exactly by the whole frat boy love tear that he's been on and I feel like an only slightly smarter billionaire could have kept this on the down low but I don't hold it against him. I AM engaged though, Tiger is now an interesting guy. If he was selling Nikes I'd say hey there's that guy that loves getting laid to a fault just like me. Must be some crazy shit happening in the Woods residence these days-I think I'll buy some Air Jordans. I'm not sure if that will counter-balance the hordes of Christian fudamentalists and incensed monogamists who will never buy a product he's associated with but, by necessity, celebrity is about reinvention. I'm sorry that Tiger's wife is embarassed and that his kids will probably hate him forever etc but they have their millions to keep them warm and I have problems of my own. I can usually take or leave celebrity gossip (leave) but this is theatre.
Secondly, there's a debate going on about whether female on male domestic violence matters. I think men's rights groups and social science researchers have a lot to say about it. I haven't looked any of it up though and I'm not going to. What matters about female on male domestic violence is not that men are going to get hurt. Walk that shit off dude. Aside from Bobbit sneak attacks (decades later I still can't believe they can reattach a penis-science rules!) probably the guy ends up with a couple of bruises and no need to shed any tears. Generally speaking, men can fend off women. Why it matters is that as soon as someone hits you you want to hit back. "Knock that off bitch" and the arm swings out before even a second thought. Fuck, now we have problems. I don't EVER get to hit women and that's cool. No matter what she says, who she fucks, what she does, no hitting. But the correlative is no trying to tempt me into hitting her by hitting me. Men should not have to exercise more self-control than women and that shit can hurt even if I am just going to walk it off. You get to say terrible things to one another. The terrible can escalate to momentous levels but no one gets hit. I have said horrendous things in arguments. The sorts of things that if I had a son I would tell him never to say to a women. I have had horrendous things said to me. That's it though, that's as bad as it's allowed to get. Women get to hit men in one situation. If you're in a bar and he gropes you, you can hit him or you can get someone bigger than you to hit him. Or you can tell the police about sexual assault. Probably you shouldn't get to do both but I'll leave that up to someone else's discretion. If he just says something terrible you get to say something terrible back. That's the rule.
Finally, this whole serial cheating thing seems to happen a lot more with men than it does with women. Not that women don't cheat, they definitely do but you hardly ever hear about a dozen men coming out in public to talk about having had sex with a married famous woman. What I would suggest for Elin Nordegren, if she doesn't feel like sticking out the Tiger is dating some incredibly successful "normal dude." For Tiger a Swedish model is just called Tuesday. Intellectually he realizes she's something special but it doesn't really seem that way. So I have a suggestion: date incredibly successful not-famous people. You can still bring a neuro-surgeon to famous people parties and it'll look fine. The other famous women won't be trying to steal him away and as many chances as he gets to sleep with other beautiful not-famous women he'll still think to himself-well that Swedish model is at home. It's not fool proof, men love the meat curtains, but the odds are a whole lot better. Also, when he does sleep with a transexual hooker the publicity is going to be WAY less intense which will make it a lot easier to shrug off. I know it's hard to let go of Tiger but you can have a neuro-surgeon under your thumb.
Just thinking.
First of all, when they inevitably make a Tiger Woods porn film (which I imagine has already been done) it's going to be incredibly difficult to come up with a better porn-pun name for it than Tiger Woods.
Some thoughts:
1. This may actually be good for Tiger in a career way
2. Female on male domestic violence matters, but for different reasons
3. Looking forward, some suggestions for Elin Nordegren
If there is a person in the world who is less informed than me about Tiger Woods that person is currently a member of one the amazon's undiscovered tribes. That person is also probably deaf and blind. I know the following about golf-it's played with clubs, it was invented in Scotland and you try to have the lowest score possible. I would imagine that Tiger is really good at that last thing. I have actually played golf about 4 times and it was ok. It was ok because I don't mind walking and I enjoy drinking. I'd still rather go hiking or hang out at a bar though. Anyway, I now know that Tiger has two kids, he's a billionaire, he's cablinasian and he loves the pussy. I don't hold Tiger's harem of women against him. I'm not impressed exactly by the whole frat boy love tear that he's been on and I feel like an only slightly smarter billionaire could have kept this on the down low but I don't hold it against him. I AM engaged though, Tiger is now an interesting guy. If he was selling Nikes I'd say hey there's that guy that loves getting laid to a fault just like me. Must be some crazy shit happening in the Woods residence these days-I think I'll buy some Air Jordans. I'm not sure if that will counter-balance the hordes of Christian fudamentalists and incensed monogamists who will never buy a product he's associated with but, by necessity, celebrity is about reinvention. I'm sorry that Tiger's wife is embarassed and that his kids will probably hate him forever etc but they have their millions to keep them warm and I have problems of my own. I can usually take or leave celebrity gossip (leave) but this is theatre.
Secondly, there's a debate going on about whether female on male domestic violence matters. I think men's rights groups and social science researchers have a lot to say about it. I haven't looked any of it up though and I'm not going to. What matters about female on male domestic violence is not that men are going to get hurt. Walk that shit off dude. Aside from Bobbit sneak attacks (decades later I still can't believe they can reattach a penis-science rules!) probably the guy ends up with a couple of bruises and no need to shed any tears. Generally speaking, men can fend off women. Why it matters is that as soon as someone hits you you want to hit back. "Knock that off bitch" and the arm swings out before even a second thought. Fuck, now we have problems. I don't EVER get to hit women and that's cool. No matter what she says, who she fucks, what she does, no hitting. But the correlative is no trying to tempt me into hitting her by hitting me. Men should not have to exercise more self-control than women and that shit can hurt even if I am just going to walk it off. You get to say terrible things to one another. The terrible can escalate to momentous levels but no one gets hit. I have said horrendous things in arguments. The sorts of things that if I had a son I would tell him never to say to a women. I have had horrendous things said to me. That's it though, that's as bad as it's allowed to get. Women get to hit men in one situation. If you're in a bar and he gropes you, you can hit him or you can get someone bigger than you to hit him. Or you can tell the police about sexual assault. Probably you shouldn't get to do both but I'll leave that up to someone else's discretion. If he just says something terrible you get to say something terrible back. That's the rule.
Finally, this whole serial cheating thing seems to happen a lot more with men than it does with women. Not that women don't cheat, they definitely do but you hardly ever hear about a dozen men coming out in public to talk about having had sex with a married famous woman. What I would suggest for Elin Nordegren, if she doesn't feel like sticking out the Tiger is dating some incredibly successful "normal dude." For Tiger a Swedish model is just called Tuesday. Intellectually he realizes she's something special but it doesn't really seem that way. So I have a suggestion: date incredibly successful not-famous people. You can still bring a neuro-surgeon to famous people parties and it'll look fine. The other famous women won't be trying to steal him away and as many chances as he gets to sleep with other beautiful not-famous women he'll still think to himself-well that Swedish model is at home. It's not fool proof, men love the meat curtains, but the odds are a whole lot better. Also, when he does sleep with a transexual hooker the publicity is going to be WAY less intense which will make it a lot easier to shrug off. I know it's hard to let go of Tiger but you can have a neuro-surgeon under your thumb.
Just thinking.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Foreword
The title for . . . this . . . obviously comes from the song below. I was pretty young when Firehose stopped playing but the song has been stuck in my head for years.
There are doubts is mostly intended to be an exploration of reasons for believing. Without any sort overarching belief system I'm constantly at a loss for a foundation upon which to make any sort of judgment. Not that I don't. I do constantly, I just spend even more time second guessing. Without history, religion or meaningful authority I'm left with what I'll call benevolent moral nihilism. I might just be describing post-modern criticism. . . Not that I intend for this to be any sort of exploration of moral philosophy, I'm neither equipped nor interested enough to try something on that scale. It's just a premise, that's all.
That said, I'll probably just post links and websites. Let's find out.
There are doubts is mostly intended to be an exploration of reasons for believing. Without any sort overarching belief system I'm constantly at a loss for a foundation upon which to make any sort of judgment. Not that I don't. I do constantly, I just spend even more time second guessing. Without history, religion or meaningful authority I'm left with what I'll call benevolent moral nihilism. I might just be describing post-modern criticism. . . Not that I intend for this to be any sort of exploration of moral philosophy, I'm neither equipped nor interested enough to try something on that scale. It's just a premise, that's all.
That said, I'll probably just post links and websites. Let's find out.
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